Miracles

I was feeling weary from the fight and in need of a pick-me-up, so I told Carl he would make my Halloween if he dressed up as David S. Pumpkins, from a recent SNL skit featuring Tom Hanks. I watched this video every day of Halloween week, to distract me from the ongoing monotony of my fight. 

Impressively, Carl found a perfect costume with 2 days to spare.  We had a great Halloween in our festive neighborhood, as friends, neighbors, and even strangers saluted him as David Pumpkins. Carleigh went as Rey from "Star Wars" and Carissa went as Evie from "Descendants."  We spent the evening with our parents, sister-in-law, Shanna, and some new friends we had met from Carleigh's soccer team.

It was a great and memorable holiday, but these days, nothing good can last, and I had to wake up bright and early to do my labs, a 2-hour PT scan, and 3 hours of chemotherapy.  I woke up exhausted, and slept through both my scan and my chemotherapy.  If sleeping through my life as much as possible was what I needed to do to survive for now, then sleep I would.

On Thursday we had a an appointment with my new oncologist to review the results of  Tuesday's scan.  I sat in the waiting room with stooped shoulders and with my face in my hands.  Carl told me I needed to perk up so that my doctor would feel confident about putting me on the best treatment plan possible. I knew I needed to stay in the fight for the sake of Carl and the girls, and all who love me, but I felt so depleted physically and emotionally. I especially did not want to face another surgery.  The mere thought made me cringe, but this is what we would likely discuss today.  These appointments always tended to emotionally drain me.  

We were escorted to the doctor's office.  While we waited, I started on my pile of Thank-you notes I can never seem to finish.  When the doctor finally walked into the room, I was surprised to see a big smile on her face.  

"Have you seen the results of your scan?" she asked.

"No," I replied.  "That's why were are here today, to review them." 

"There is nothing there!" she said, beaming.

"What?" I asked.  "What do you mean there is nothing there?  I just had a CT scan last week which showed 1, possibly 2 tumors."

She explained that there were masses there, but that the deeper PT scan revealed that nothing had lit them up, meaning there was no metabolic life in the tumors, meaning that they were dead.  The PT scan record declared me as now having No Evidence of Disease (NED). 

"I know the result is surprising, so I verified this with 4 different radiologists, just to be sure," she said, her smile widening.  

What????!!!! How could this even be true?  Our former oncologist had told us back in August that chemo or any type of therapy would never eradicate a tumor; that at most it could shrink it to either get it surgically removed or to simply keep it at bay for as long as possible.  This outcome was quite rare, as it only occurs in about 2 percent of cases. 

The doctor said that I did need to stay on the erbitux and the 5FU for 8 months to a year for maximum effectiveness, but that surgery was completely unecessary at this time!  Then she told me that even though I needed to continue my chemo regime that I should "go on holiday."  She has a lovely British accent which makes the word, "holiday" that much more inviting.  

Halleluah!!!  As we sat there, she emailed our surgeon a friendly note that the PT scan revealed only dead tumors, that she did not recommend surgery, and "the patient was shocked."  My mouth was hanging wide open, and Carl was jumping up and down while simultaneously texting everyone in our immediate family.  

We took the weekend to celebrate with the girls.  We went up to Palomar Mountain to view the Fall colors and to shout the good news from the mountaintops:

When we had a moment to catch our breath, we reflected on how the events of the past several months had lead us up to this point.  Carl reminded me that he had blessed me many times in prayer that the "chemotherapy would have an astonishing effect in eradicating the tumor, so much so, that even the doctors would be surprised."  

Because my platelets had been too low to receive the standard chemo, I had started the erbitux during the first week of September.  Apparently, this was the drug that connected with my genetic makeup just enough to kill the tumor.  Because my oncologist showed such poor bedside manner during our October appointment that I had to quit him, I was lead to a new one, who had ordered the scan which prevented me from having an unnecessary surgery, and gave me the hopeful news that I so needed to hear to keep going.

 I had found my new doctor from a friend of my dad's who had beaten colon cancer a few years ago and loved her oncologist. She wasn't sure if her former doctor was currently affliliated with UCSD.   I met with her and asked tips for continuing on the fight and if she would pass along her former oncologist's contact info.  When I looked up the contact in her phone, I was surprised to find that the address coincidentally matched the very location I received chemotherapy. I had recently moved from Moores Cancer Center to Encinitas.  The oncologist I wanted was with UCSD, and she was seeing new patients!

As I have reflected on recent events, I have realized that these were not coincidences, but small miracles which blended together to lead me to this grand, course-altering one that so many in my circle had hoped and prayed for.  The term, "miracle" has been defined by religious scholar, Daniel S. Ludlow as “a beneficial event brought about through divine power that mortals do not understand and of themselves cannot duplicate.” 

This reminds me of the movie, "Miracles from Heaven" starring Jennifer Garner, which portrays the true story of the miraculous healing of Annabel Beam and the spiritual journey of her mother, Christy Beam. 

Jennifer Garner's character describes miracles as:

• showing up in the strangest of ways through people who are just passing through our lives.
• dear friends who are there for us no matter what.   
• love
• pure goodness
• God's way of letting us know...he's here."

The ancient prophet, Mormon queries:  "Has the day of miracles ceased? Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that miracles are wrought."

I'm not sure if my own faith has been that strong; there were moments when it has really faltered.  But I have kept one foot in front of the other, and have been sustained by the faith of so many loved ones. As Jennifer Garner's character Christy flashes back to all the people and events which lead them to their miracle, I think of my own journey.  Equally miraculous as my unexpected remission is the pure love of Christ I see in others.  I have written previously about the countless acts of service done on my behalf, and now I continue to see "pure goodness" as I share this glorious news with friends and they throw their arms around me shedding tears of joy.  I am amazed that others would care so much to both mourn and to rejoice with me.  This is love that approaches divinity. 

Mormon also proclaimed, "But behold, I will show unto you a God of miracles"

There is a beautiful song, "Miracles" which perfectly expresses the recent miraculous events in my own life.

Jesus is a God of Miracles

Nothing is at all impossible to Him.

But I know this, of all His miracles,

The most incredible must be

The miracle that rescues me

.  
Once a person has Stage IV cancer, the threat of recurrence is always lurking.  I don't know where my journey will take me, but for now, I can rejoice that my miracle of "No Evidence of Disease" came when I needed it the most.  No matter what happens in the future, I can testify that in my life, miracles have not ceased.