Hands

Hands

Presently, I am trying to recover from from one invasive surgery from last month and prepare for another one next month.  Life as I knew it before has dramatically changed, and my impatience to recover causes me to test my body's limits daily.  Each day, I set goals of what I would like to accomplish, but those goals are sometimes thwarted by immobilizing pain or exhaustion.  Even though my effectiveness has changed for a season, I still believe that I can use my own small pair of hands to do some good in the world.  I am hoping that the simple act of sharing my story will do so.

Back when I was 25 and single, I had the opportunity to tour Florence, and the Sistine Chapel in Rome with my folks, brother Seth, and dear friend, Amber.

I came home with Michelangelo's Hands painting, which adorned my wall for years. The painting illustrates the moment when life is instilled in Adam by God.  Adam's hand is limp--awaiting the vital spark of life.

My aim in writing this blog is to frequently examine how the hand of God is guiding my life in my cancer battle and otherwise. For many years, I have loved the song "Hands" by Jewel.  I saw her perform it on a Carnival cruise when Carl and I went to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.

Recently, this song was revived by Trisha Yearwood in the New Orleans "The Passion" which aired on Palm Sunday. I watched it from my hospital bed post-surgery.  Yearwood played the role of Mary, trying to make her hands useful as she watched her beloved son be tried and crucified.  It's hard to imagine a fiercer trial than that.  Yet in the midst of it, she sings, "I won't be made useless; I won't be idle with despair." The words that no matter what happens, "we are never broken" and that "in the end, only kindness matters" also have great significance to me as I ponder the fact that even in the lowest moments of this journey, I have seen the best of humanity in others as their hands have served me and lifted me up. 

No matter how intense the pain or even how grim the prognosis, there is never a reason to be"idle with despair."

As I ponder productive ways to spend my time and use my hands, I think of how our ultimate exemplar, Jesus Christ used his hands.  The song "His Hands" by Kenneth Cope was popular when I was coming of age.  I love the line, "Though I'm not yet as I would be, He has shown me how I could be...I will make my hands like those of Galilee."

I look forward with great joy to the Resurrection, when my body will be restored to its perfect frame and I will no longer have pain, nausea, and fear.  In a General Conference address from earlier this month, "Always Remember Him" Elder Gerrit W. Gong says:

"The scriptures describe resurrection as “every limb and joint shall be restored to … their proper and perfect frame,” and “even a hair of the head shall not be lost...That being so, please consider how it is that our Savior’s perfect, resurrected body still bears the wounds in His side and the nail prints in His hands and feet....At times in history, mortal men have been executed by crucifixion. But only our Savior, Jesus Christ, embraces us still carrying the marks of His pure love. Only He fulfills the prophecy of being lifted up upon the cross that He might draw each of us, by name, to Him."

I have faith that Christ will one day draw me to Him.  For this reason, my hands never need be "idle with despair."